Wednesday, April 20, 2016

wow

most emotional panel by far. trying really hard not to cry while I'm sitting on the bench waiting for my ride (don't want to freak everyone around me out lol). what heartbreaking stories and what brave beautiful people they are to tell their stories to our class. I feel that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship when I was in high school and I want to share that story and kind of get it off my chest. he was controlling in a way that was hard to even notice but before I knew it I was doing everything the way he wanted. little things like if we were in the car he had to drive even though it was my car and he didn't even have a license. and the air in the car had to be on all the way hot, all the way cold, or off. if it was somewhere in between he would yell at me about how stupid that was because I was either hot or cold not in between. he always used to tell me that I was almost the perfect girl and he didn't know what it was about me that kept me from being perfect. he always made sure I knew how annoying I was that I wasn't funny so I should just stop trying. when we would in fights he would wait a full 24 hours to speak to me again to make sure I knew not to make him mad again. if it was a big fight he wouldn't talk to me for a long time unless I sent him naked pictures. he also always said I was a slut even though he was the first and only boy I had ever done anything sexual with at that point in time. he always always acussed me of cheating on him and lying to him about the fact that I lost my virginity to him.  I have plenty more examples but bottom line is that he made me feel unworthy of him or anyone else. he made me feel like i had to be perfect all the time. While I was in that relationship I didn't see that anything was wrong. it took me 2 years to even begin to see that our relationship was not healthy and that he was a very manipulative and controlling person. That scares to to think that I could be so blind to someone doing so much damage to my self esteem. 

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  2. I experienced the same exact thing as well! He may not have been physically abusive. However, it is not healthy to hurt your partner's self-esteem in a manipulative controlling way. The best way to rebuild your self-esteem and feel comfortable with another person again is to be absolutely sure to love yourself. Give yourself a pep talk or just think of things you love about yourself, it could be anything such as "I love my smile". My past relationship was not healthy as well. He controlled what I wore. I could not wear V-necks because of my "big boobs". He seriously thought I was trying to show off, but a V-neck is a V-neck. I was also not allowed to go out with any of my friends as long as I was with my partner at the time. He confessed after we broke up that he would only want me over his house the whole entire weekend in order to keep an eye on me. I learned the hard way that a relationships should not be like that. There is more to the story, but I will not go into too much detail, but everyone deserves someone that makes them happy, is supportive, and makes you feel loved. The panel did such a great job sharing their stories, and being so courageous to help everyone out:)

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